Finding the Right Girl, Part III: If You Have New Eyes . . .

Here concludes our three-part series on “Finding the Right Girl” for our single friends. In Part I, we looked at how happiness must ultimately come from God and not from any other person. In Part II, we explored how we as men must always see God, the people around us, and ourselves with humility. In Part III, we’ll look at the Bible for some specific guidance on using spiritual eyes to see the “right girl” – a God-fearing woman.

If you have “new eyes,” the Bible’s term for spiritually-discerning sight, here’s who and what to look for (from Proverbs 31). You should be looking for a woman who:

  1. Fears the Lord. This doesn’t mean that she’s stark-raving mad whenever she mentions God, but that she has a right fear and trembling toward the Holy One of Israel. Like Moses before the burning bush or Isaiah before the heavenly throne, she must know the true terror of being a sinner in the hands of the living God.
  2. Trusts Jesus for everything. What? Shouldn’t she trust me for everything? No, you’re not God, and you shouldn’t expect to be any woman’s god, either. This is more than you can handle, anyway. Let Jesus be God for her, and look for that in her life right now.
  3. Lives with God’s family. That means, she’s a member of a gospel-loving, Jesus-centered local church. She doesn’t float around saying, “Oh, I’ll find a church one day.” She’s committed and “married” to one church. If she isn’t committed and faithful enough to a local church, the family of God, how can she be worthy of being a part of your family?
  4. Is trustworthy. Here we get to those particulars that Proverbs 31 spells out so clearly, but notice that they are founded on her relationship to Jesus. Because she builds her life on the truth, she speaks and lives the truth. If she tends to gossip, deceive, and backbite, she isn’t trustworthy.
  5. Does good. As opposed to evil. There is a certain kind of “lady” who doesn’t deserve the title because she only works ruin for those around her. She’s a termite, getting into people’s business only to tear it up. But a godly woman is a life-giving spring, with words and works vivifying everything around her.
  6. Knows how to make stuff. Useful stuff – not like, “She knows how to make a martini.” She ought to know how to sew, how to cook a meal, how to hem your pants. These things are more important than her ability to hold her liquor, do the latest hip-hop dance, or memorize the layout of the nearest Old Navy.
  7. Knows how to find a deal. Note here that “finding a deal” is different than “loving to shop.” A godly woman doesn’t waste money; she saves it by spending it wisely. She knows that a half-price deal of 5 for $10 now saves you $10 in the long-run. On the contrary, a woman who does the opposite, spending tons of money in the long-run because of bad short-term decisions, brings tons of problems and pain.
  8. Knows how to handle business. Like the previous point, a godly woman can handle your business if you fall ill or dead. She’ll be handling more of your business than you know, anyway, since she’ll handle your home all week long.
  9. Is characterized by hard work. She’s a hard worker. She doesn’t clock-out of doing productive things when the sun goes down. She doesn’t sleep in seven days a week, or even five. She isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty working. Again, if your prospective wife isn’t a hard worker, you’re in for a lot of trouble down the line.
  10. Has an inner strength. The Bible says, “She is clothed with strength.” It means that she has an outlook, a disposition, and a faith in the risen Christ that is strong. If she doesn’t know Him, if she doesn’t love Him, that’s impossible.
  11. Loves the poor. Ouch. Lots of women love to do #3-#9, but despise generosity to the poor. They clothe their hatred behind cliches like, “They got themselves in that position,” or, “I’m not giving money for someone to booze on.” Jesus said the poor are always with us, and God often commands us to love the sojourner, the alien, the widow, and the orphan.
  12. Lives courageously in the face of danger. Whether it be natural disaster, disease, family heartbreak, spiritual despair, demonic attack, or the fear of the future, troubles in one form or another wait for you at every turn. A godly woman fears these not. Her hope in God is too strong for that.
  13. Dresses modestly. She doesn’t need to have the latest fashions or a pop-star’s style. She needs to know how to honor God and her brothers in what she chooses to wear – and what not to.
  14. Speaks kindness. We’ve alluded to this earlier, but it bears saying again. A godly woman’s words are her balm applied, her food shared, her joy expressed.
  15. Is loved by children. Ooh, this is not a popular one during our crazed times of feminism, self-exaltation, and baby-killing. Nonetheless, it is timelessly true – a godly woman gets down on a child’s level, tries to see the world through his or her eyes, and genuinely loves that child. This is why children in return love her.
  16. Hopes in the Lord, not her beauty. Every godly woman will one day die, and her body suffer decay. Yet every godly woman knows this, and hopes in something more that what she sees in the mirror.
  17. Will make an excellent wife. Once all the others are considered, this becomes clear – she will make an excellent wife. Do you know things of excellence? Do you know the difference between a Bojangle’s biscuit and a fine steak dinner? If you know so in spiritual terms, you will see who will make an excellent wife.

Conspicuously absent from this list are the world’s standards:

  • How she styles her hair. Come on, is that at the top of your list?
  • Her knowledge of pop culture. Fun, but not necessary.
  • Her sense of humor. Also nice, but something you can grow into together.
  • Whether you’re immediately attracted to her. Immediate attraction can come and go, but a spiritual friendship built on Jesus lasts forever. This spiritual friendship is what grows into deep, mutual, lifelong attraction.

Remember:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

I’m so thankful to God that not in a single point did I question the godliness my own dear bride.  That’s a work of grace. 

When you look in a solid local church, there are many godly women out there. So happy looking, gentlemen. You’ll need new eyes.

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About B Treece
loved by God before I ever loved Him, saved by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone by the authority of the Bible alone to the glory of God alone, made to enjoy Him forever, happily married with wonder-filled children.

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